My chap is writing a show. A comedy show, specifically. Once a stand-up comedian, always a stand-up. Anyway, having a little fun with google searches, I found this gem from e-harmony and I just HAD to read it. Then I just HAD to respond. Because, you know, e-Harmony is drunk. Like a comedian after a show drunk.
“Maybe you’ve heard the horror stories. You don’t want to be material in someone’s act. Don’t let one funny jerk ruin it for the rest of them. There are plenty of reasons to give a comedian a fair shot.
Here are 15 reasons to date a comedian:
1. Comedians want to make people laugh. Get ready to be entertained.
It’s true. I laugh a lot, but not always in the way that this item intends.
2. Comedians see the humor in the otherwise unfunny stuff of life and can look at the same situation from different perspectives.
I like how this assumes that comedians look at dark situations from a “lighter” perspective. They don’t. At least, MINE certainly doesn’t. His material is dark. I mean, black-hole-funny.
3. Your date will be the life of the party — at the party.
Or he’ll just be drinking in a corner, alienating people with his existential barbs.
4. At home, however, comedians are often introverted and sensitive. Your steady support will be very welcome.
This is code for NEEDY. Especially when they are writing material.
5. Comedians are usually following their dreams. You might be inspired to start following your own.
And look where their dreams led them! Into a seedy bar in a down-market neighborhood talking back to drunk hecklers and getting paid in six-packs. Dare to dream!
6. Is “stand-up comedian” a lucrative job? Not always. But how many people can say that they’re doing what they love? That’s very admirable.
Um, yeah. . . sure. . . it’s super-admirable. Especially when they are performing shows specifically to pay off the bar tab.
7. Related: No one will accuse you of being a gold-digger.
8. Because of the unstable nature of their careers, comedians appreciate healthy, stable relationships to come home to.
So reconcile yourself to being the sane one, okay?
9. Introverts, rejoice. Date a comedian and you’ll have most weekends to yourself!
Except for the long stretches of depression you’ll have to nurse them through. Then they’ll never leave the house and you’ll find them at home at 3 p.m. watching the hours and hours of Aqua Teen Hunger Force they’ve DVRed while they were on the road.
10. Comedians share their life stories with strangers every night. They’re good communicators and are willing to be vulnerable with others.
Hahahaha! Vulnerable with others! Aw, man! This is list is SLAYING ME, its so funny! Vulnerable, instead of defensive and angry! Vulnerable! bwahahahaha!
11. You can visit your date at work — and actually have fun while doing so.
Sure, if your idea of fun is watching him slowly and agonizingly turn a drunken audience against him so that you have to rush him out the back door as soon as his set is done. Make sure you finish drinking your cocktail before he goes on because you may not be staying all that long.
12. Your date will introduce you to plenty of interesting characters.
This list is just being ironic now, right?
13. Your friends will think your significant other is hilarious. Related: Bragging about your date’s newest comedy routine will do him/her good.
My friends tend to think my significant other is a pompous blowhard, but sure. . . “hilarious” is another word for that, I guess.
14. Not every comedian exploits his personal life in his act. Most will outline boundaries with you. (Jerry Seinfeld doesn’t diss his wife on stage, and he’s done okay for himself.)
I am lucky in that the “girlfriend” in his act is entirely made up and bears no resemblance to me at all. Right?
15. A common love language for comedians? Words of affirmation. Build up your partner verbally, and you’ll likely be the recipient of praise, too.
Or just remind him that he has a show that he has to perform in 7 days and make him go back to work on his material. That’ll build him up, too.
Of course, I kid about (almost) all of this. Jaguar is a supportive, thoughtful, and dedicated boyfriend who works hard at his day job and I DO have a great time with him.
That being said, this is the first time in our relationship that I’ve stood by and watched him write a show. A few new things have come up:
He’s intensely anxiety ridden about it. But the good news is: the anxiety usually inspires him to go darker and deeper with his material– a trademark of his.
He paces when he’s thinking. It is a good thing we got a larger apartment with a long front room for him to wander back and forth in.
If he cannot pace, he whistles while he is thinking. Usually the opening bars to Fiddler on the Roof. (Seriously.)
And he usually tests out his material on me. Then I either laugh or make faces. Often, one of these faces.
Anyway, Rogue Festival starts next week and my chap has a show in it! If you have a strong stomach for existential comedy, come see it! There will be alcohol available to dull your pain.
JAGUAR BENNETT: THE AGONY OF LIVING